Designer’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse
I don’t know about you, but I like my brain and rather it not be eaten by zombies.
The fundamental flaw in my plan of survival though is that I’m not a super athletic, parkour , muscle machine. As much as I’d like to be that, I’m your run-of-the-mill desk potato who stares at my computer screen long enough for it to meld with my face. Therefore, I’ve devised an alternative method of survival for those of us who might otherwise become lunch.
Firstly, you actually should try to get to your peak athletic capacity just in case the Zombie Apocalypse goes down while you’re at Starbucks or the Apple store. I know this means time away from screen but it must be done for survival of the Geek race. If you need help with this challenging feat, there are those who can provide guidance for your Apocalypse training: http://zombiefit.org/
Secondly, do your research. You can’t fight zombies unless you understand the nature of them and what to do when you encounter them. This step requires plenty of screen time so breath easy. This will get you started:
Lastly, use what you know. There’s no reason to step outside of your natural element in order to fight zombies.
At the first indication of a zombie attack, hunker down. Whether that be your basement, home office, bedroom, whatever—you’re used to being in cramped, closed spaces for long periods of time for deadlines so this won’t be anything different.
Stockpile all of your usual processed, preservative-filled foods so you have plenty of supplies that will last. No need for fresh produce, you wouldn’t eat it anyways and the smell of rotting fruit could give away your location to the hoard of hungry zombies outside your bunker.
Forget about finding loved ones. That’s a sure way to get eaten. They wrote you off as dead anyways since they haven’t seen you in months ’cause you were too busy meeting deadlines and socializing with your computer screen.
Don’t worry about getting bored or going crazy. Geeks around the world will be online 24/7 as usual. Besides, your iTunes library is jam packed with enough music, podcasts, and videos to last months. Not to mention your extensive DVD collection and Netflix account.
If by chance zombies breach your bunker, think outside the box. You have weapons all around you disguised as Geek supplies, like that box of X-Acto knives on your desk. They’re like little ninja throwing stars. How about that T-square in the corner? You could surely decapitate a few zombies with that. Even that Epson printer could do some damage. It’s not like your going to be printing anything anyways. My point is, be creative people. It’s what you do daily, you just have to adapt it Apocalypse style.
No need to be a hero like those guys in Zombieland. That’s a for sure ticket to being lunch. Just be your same Geek-self you’ve always been with slight modifications. Be prepared people. Treat it just like a design project: research, sketch, refine. When you’re plan of action is in place, I assure you that you will rest easy knowing that you are prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse.