Who do you think you are Mr. Freaky-Spider Man-Poser Lizard!?

Male Flat-headed Rock Agama by D. Gordon E. Robertson

I resent your outfit and that smug look on your face. Don’t you know that there’s only room for one guy with a red and blue spandex suit in my psyche? You’re blowing my mind Spidey Lizard. So what if art mimics nature. I mean really, just because the Mwanza flat-headed rock agama has been around since, well probably the beginning of time, doesn’t mean that you can bite off of Spidey.

Born from the recesses of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko’s marvelous minds, Spider Man has been rockin’ his signature outfit since ’62! Take that Spidey Lizard! And guess what, you don’t have a leg to stand on in court because you didn’t copyright it.

Yeah-yeah, you did it first but you’re so old by ’62 it was public domain. Spider Man turned his mutation and fashion forward outfit into a multi million dollar brand. Don’t be jealous, it’s not becoming. Just accept your defeat. We could solve this the old fashion way, mano y mano, but that would just be inhumane.

Seriously Spidey Lizard, your beady little eyes, scaly skin, and ability to climb vertically are about the only things you have going for you. Spider Man swings from webs, can read and write, has an alter-ego that doesn’t have to wear spandex, and gets some hottie girl action. Sorry I can’t say the same about your plain Mary Jane.

Female Flat-headed Rock Agama by D. Gordon E. Robertson